If you are considering a divorce, you may wonder if the other party might be hiding some things. If they do, what will happen to them?

At the beginning of a divorce, each party is asked to fill out a financial affidavit. This formal document is typically required in divorce litigation, because it provides the official information about the finances of each spouse, allowing the court to fairly divide assets, award alimony, and make other important decisions. In some cases, individuals lie about their finances, omitting important information or misrepresenting their financial status. Lying on formal court documents is never a good idea, especially where money is involved.

Penalties for failing to disclose financial information

Being dishonest about your finances in court can lead to serious penalties, including criminal charges and even jail time. However, the truth of the matter is, the severity of your punishment depends on the conditions of the lie and how lenient your judge chooses to be. Intentionally lying on your divorce papers about your finances is fundamentally the same as lying to the court, which is against the law. Still, financial matters can be complex, and if you accidentally miscalculate or omit information, the court may prove more lenient and choose to dole out a simple slap on the wrist, so to speak.

In a divorce, it is required that both parties provide full disclosure, informing the court of all income, expenses, assets, and liabilities. If one spouse lies about anything associated with their finances, it could significantly affect the way the assets are divided, or how much alimony or child support is paid. In short, lying about your finances could lead to undercutting your soon-to-be ex-spouse, which the court will not look kindly on. Even if your mistake was an innocent one, you may still face penalties.

The repercussions for lying about your finances could be as simple as a stern talking-to from the judge. A judge may take it upon him or herself to openly reprimand you for presenting misinformation. It is also possible the court will decide to provide more for your spouse, either in the asset division or in alimony. If the court had decided to split your assets in half, but it became clear you were hiding $10,000, the court may decide to award the hidden funds entirely to your spouse. Or, the judge may reconsider the split at 60/40, in your spouse’s favor.

In the worst-case-scenario, the judge may find you guilty of perjury. Lying to the court is illegal, and can be considered a criminal act punishable by costly fees, and even jail time. Typically, the court will only treat the crime as perjury when a large amount of money was hidden.

These types of cases are far from black and white. The outcome depends greatly on the judge presiding over your case, and the way in which your financial mistake happened and was presented. The simple truth is, it is always better to be honest with your divorce attorney and to the court, and lying on official documents is illegal and should never be practiced or encouraged.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

One of the things that you have to do as part of the divorce process is to fill out a Schedule of Assets and Debts. It’s one of the parts that people dislike the most. You might ask “do I really have to do this?” Yes you do. The law requires it.

The law requires everyone to do a full and accurate financial disclosure for three main reasons: 1) it helps promote settlement; 2) it makes sure both sides understand and know what the assets and debts are; and 3) it ensures a fair and open resolution to property division.

Even though there are benefits of doing a full financial disclosure, I understand that the job is still difficult.  When trudging through stacks of documents and online statements, follow the Rule of Three to make your life easier.  The number three is magical—getting three things done is doable, not overwhelming, and most importantly, is real progress.

1) Pick the next three things you need to do and write them down on a sticky note or piece of scrap paper.  For example, 1) Get a copy of the house deed; 2) Get the latest mortgage statement; and 3) Go to zillow.com for the current fair market value of the house.  Then do them.  Every time you get distracted and forget what you were supposed to be doing, go back to your list.  If you get discouraged, remember that you only have three things you need to do.  When you’ve done the first three, write down and do another three.  You’ll be amazed at how many completed post-it notes you’ll end up with.  Always finish your three before taking a break.

2)  At the end of the day, pick the most important three things for you to do the next day.  Write them down.  Set a specific time of day that you’re going to start on your project and stick to it.  If you use this technique, you’ll always be working on your priorities.

3)  If your list is very long (and with Schedules of Assets and Debts, they do tend to be long!), pick three similar things, and do just those.  I like to group them in terms of the assets and debts—main home, rental property, cars, bank accounts, timeshares, retirement accounts, etc., but there certainly is no magic to my method.  If you like stability like me, do three more of the same things until that entire group is done.  If you like variety, do three of something different.

Maybe the best way to get through this is to break it in pieces, and do one piece at a time. Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

Prenups are good because they preserve the expectations of the parties and prevent surprises in a divorce trial. Prenuptial agreements are almost always  enforced by the court.”

The agreements can also specify that future income from a business or additional assets accrued through inheritance are not to be shared with your spouse should the marriage
end.

You can basically do anything you want in a prenup, except you can’t limit child support, and you can’t limit child custody and visitation.

Prenuptial agreements can address property acquired before a marriage, such as a home or Grandpop’s antique desk, although some states recognize each spouse’s rights to his or her premarital property anyway. The problem people have is, after they get married, what’s become yours has become co-mingled. People can’t trace after 10 years of marriage what was theirs and what’s joint property.

Prenups are especially helpful for older couples and/or those who already have children. Older couples may want to protect children from a prior marriage or protect the ability of the one with lesser assets to go into a nursing home and not give everything over. People who have been married before are especially aware of the importance of taking these steps the second time around.

A lot of times, prenuptial agreements have a bad connotation. I see them happening with people who may have been divorced once, and have children and significant assets, and want to make sure their children and family are protected if something happens.

Remember to talk about it with your spouse way before you plan your wedding, and have it signed four months before you plan on getting married. Otherwise, you’re so focused on the prenup that you can’t focus on the joy of marriage.”

For couples who didn’t enter into a prenuptial agreement, they always have the option of forging such a pact after they say their vows. Postnuptial agreements are largely the same as prenups, laying out which assets will remain individual property and which will
be shared.

What’s fair?

Prenuptial agreements are supposed to be based on fair and full disclosure of assets, but states vary in how they view this legal tenet. The prenup has to be considered fair at the time it’s enforced.

There are other ways to keep assets separate that can work in conjunction
with a prenup, or alone.

A revocable living trust can ensure that certain property or income is directed to someone other than your spouse.

An even simpler tool is to retain separate bank accounts and keep real estate under your own names.

Some people, when they get married, immediately change title to property so it’s in both their names. The fact that you put the other spouse on the deed, (a judge) is going to assume you meant to give half of your interest to the spouse as a gift, and is going to consider that joint property.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

If you are going through a divorce and have children, you and your spouse will need to work out a child support arrangement, including who has to pay and how much the monthly obligation will be.

However, what if you don’t have a source of income and can’t afford child support? Will you still be required to make a monthly child support payment? The answer is usually yes.

How is child support determined?

Child support is determined based on a variety of factors, including how much income each parent earns from a variety of sources, including salary or wages, commissions, bonuses, Social Security benefits, interest, and more. If a parent does not have a source of income, the court may impute income based on a prior work history and/or the parent’s potential earning capacity. (“Impute” means they estimate what you should reasonably be expected to be able to earn and how easily a job could be found.)

For example, if a parent is having career trouble and currently is not employed, the court may look at the parent’s previous employment history to determine how much they are capable of earning again in the future. In other words, your obligation will be partially based on your ability and opportunity to find similar work, whether inside or outside of your chosen profession.

Trying to avoid child support

In some cases, a parent may purposefully choose unemployment in order to attempt to dodge a child support obligation. The courts do not take kindly to this behavior, and will order child support based on imputed income. The court’s decision will, above all, consider the child’s best interests and will order whatever support is necessary to meet the child’s needs.

What if you can’t afford child support?

So what happens if you cannot afford your child support payments? Choosing not to make them, or informally arranging a modification with your spouse allowing you to pay what you can, are both incorrect courses of action. Failing to make timely payments means that you will accrue an arrearage, which will give your former spouse the right to file a contempt action. This will cost you even more money in court fees and litigation costs. Making an informal arrangement means you are still not fulfilling your legal child support obligations; only a court-approved child support modification can do that. If you absolutely cannot afford your payments, you should speak with your attorney to learn your options.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

There are a lot of ways to skin a cat. And, there are a lot of ways to get divorced. It all depends on your situation. Do you have children? Are there assets to be divided? Is your relationship with your spouse cordial? These are the factors that play into what type of divorce you select.

Contested Divorce

In a contested divorce, spouses likely disagree strongly on several settlement issues, such as property and debt division, child custody, child support, and alimony. This is the most complicated form of divorce, often requiring several steps before finalizing, including pre-trial motions and hearings, negotiations, and trial if all else fails.

Divorce Settlement

The majority of divorces are settled without going to court. This process involves hiring an attorney and then negotiating settlement terms with your spouse (and his/her attorney) until agreement is reached on all of the issues. Attorneys often employ various methods of dispute resolution to negotiate an agreement and present it to the court. If the court finds the terms to be fair, the divorce is awarded per the agreed upon settlement.

Mediated Divorce

Mediation is a form of dispute resolution often used to find agreement on one or more issues in a divorce case, so the case may be settled outside of court. Divorce mediation involves a neutral party who will facilitate communication and negotiation between the divorcing spouses to find common ground. It is a voluntary process and works well for those who are willing to commit to the process.

Divorce Arbitration

Divorce arbitration is a process similar to a court hearing, but in a more flexible and less formal environment. It can be used to resolve one or more matters at issue in a divorce case. An arbitrator is a neutral third party who is chosen to hear and decide about the issues in a case. The process is governed by specific rules and the decision of the arbitrator is typically legally binding. This option is often faster and less taxing than going to trial, but just like in a courtroom, you give someone else power to make decisions on the issues being arbitrated. This can be a good option for speeding up the divorce process, or in divorces where only a few contested issues stand in the way of finalizing the divorce.

Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative Divorce is a process of alternative dispute resolution designed to resolve a divorce in a way that is amicable and respectful. Each spouse hires a divorce lawyer trained in collaborative law. The lawyers assemble a team of other professionals (financial experts, parenting experts, etc.) to assist in the process, which involves meetings to brainstorm solutions and reach fair agreements. This process can work well for couples who are willing and eager to work cooperatively and provide full disclosure of information. If the collaborative process is unsuccessful and agreement cannot be reached, the process is ended and the couple must restart their divorce process using one of the other methods (and with new attorneys as well).

Uncontested Divorce

An uncontested divorce is when the divorcing couple agrees on all matters pertaining to the divorce and file as joint petitioners and are awarded the divorce per the terms agreed upon in their petition. In this case, the couple may forego hiring lawyers and typically have simpler issues, such as no children together, few marital assets or debts, etc. There is a risk to proceeding with a divorce without getting legal counsel, as you may not fully understand the legal implications of what you are agreeing to, especially if children are involved. This option, however, is typically the quickest and least expensive.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

Relationships are tough. They take work. Sometimes it might seem easier just to throw in the towel. However, that brings a whole new set of problems. Maybe before you give up, you should try a few things to see if you can salvage the situation.

The following tips were published in the Huffington Post on February 3, 2017.

1. Complain without blame

Have you developed a habit of criticizing your partner? Talking about specific issues will reap better results than attacking your partner. For instance, a complaint is: “I was worried when you didn’t call me. We agreed that we’d check in when one of us was running late.” Versus a criticism: “You never follow through, you’re so selfish.”

2. Repair conflicts skillfully

Don’t put aside resentments that can destroy your relationship. Dr. Gottman’s research informs us that 69 percent of conflicts in a marriage never get resolved, so the focus needs to be managing them successfully. Bouncing back from disagreements rather than avoiding conflict is key because couples who strive to avoid it are at risk of developing stagnant relationships.

3. Stay focused on the issues at hand

Ask yourself: What am I trying to accomplish? Avoid name-calling and don’t attack your partner personally. Remember anger is usually a symptom of underlying hurt, fear, and frustration. So ask questions that go deeper to understand the positive need your partner is seeking. Avoid defensiveness and showing contempt for your partner (rolling your eyes, ridicule, name-calling, sarcasm, etc.).

4. Boost up physical affection

According to author Dr. Kory Floyd, holding hands, hugging, and touching can release oxytocin (the bonding hormone) that causes a calming sensation. Studies show that it’s released during sexual orgasm and affectionate touch as well. Physical affection also reduces stress hormones – lowering daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

5. Nurture fondness and admiration

Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities – even as you grapple with their flaws – and express your positive feelings out loud several times each day. Search for common ground rather than insisting on getting your way when you have a disagreement. Listen to his/her point of view and avoid shutting yourself off from communication.

6. Spend time with your partner on a daily basis

Try a variety of activities that bring you both pleasure. Kyle Benson recommends that couples adopt a new way of structuring their “How was your day, dear?” conversation that shows empathy, expresses understanding, and validates emotions. Feeling like your partner is on your side can help you to sustain a deep, meaningful bond and a “we against others” attitude.

7. Communicate honestly about key issues in your relationship

Be sure to be forthcoming about your concerns and express your thoughts, feelings, and wishes in a respectful way. Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don’t bury negative feelings.

8. Don’t allow wounds to fester

Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about your partner’s behavior when you find it to be negative. Listen to your partner’s side of the story. Are there times when you feel mistrustful or hurt even when he/she presents evidence to the contrary about your grievance?

9. Develop a Hurt-Free Zone policy

This term coined by author David Akiva refers to a period when criticism is not allowed. Without it, couples usually feel less defensive and so hurt feelings dissolve. Akiva writes: “Your prime directive right now is to eliminate the most toxic negative communication and reduce intense negative emotions for 3 to 4 weeks.”

10. Practice forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t the same as condoning hurtful actions but it will allow you to move on. Try to remember you are on the same team. Accept that people do the best they can and try to be more understanding.

It is understandable that you might feel hurt, frustrated, resentful, or rejected if you perceive that your partner has checked out of your marriage. The next time you have a disagreement with him or her, stop second-guessing their reactions and examine your own responses. Instead of shutting down or becoming critical, adopt a resilient mindset and work on ways you can repair your relationship and get back on track.

If you don’t think that these tips will work, perhaps you should consult with Steve Hair. Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

So maybe you never really thought about the pets. You have so many other issues to resolve. You probably just assumed that Fido would just come along with you. However, even though they are alive and considered family members, they are considered property by the courts. Here’s some things to consider.

1.  Paperwork matters.  If your pets are AKC registered, make sure you look at their papers to see whose name(s) are listed as the owners.  Double check the vet records to make sure that you’re also on the contact list.  For that matter, make sure that you have copies of their current vaccinations, their Microchip ID numbers, and other such important information.  If you purchased the pets prior to marriage, find copies of the purchase contract, the source of the funds, and any other documentation that proves you are the legal owner.

2.  Think about parenting plans.  Consider a shared “custody” arrangement of your pets.  Just because the law characterizes pets as property doesn’t mean that we have to do the same.  Family law is very unique and special, in that Courts will honor a reasonable and enforceable agreement, regardless of whether or not it’s technically the “correct” legal resolution.  If you have human children, keeping your pets on the same schedule often makes sense.

3. Don’t forget about the details.  If you are going to do a shared custody arrangement, remember that you also have to discuss the costs of maintaining your pet.  I’m not just talking about food and grooming.  Although it’s not a comfortable topic, caring for your pets in their older years is something that needs to be discussed.  At what point do the vet bills become too expensive?  How will you make decisions regarding whether to treat or let them go?

4. Be compassionate.  As much as you love your pets, your spouse likely has also formed a close attachment with them.  Just as importantly, your pets likely love your spouse and would miss your spouse terribly if they never saw him or her again.  If we truly consider our pets as children, we need to “walk the walk.”  That means that we have to consider their best interests and not be selfish.  Just like it’s rarely in children’s best interests to never see the other parent, the same concept applies to our pets.  Sometimes we do have to make sacrifices and be uncomfortable because we love our pets and want what’s best for them.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

These days, sole custody is not as common as it used to be. The trend these days is towards joint custody and not excluding either parent from the opportunity to spend time with their child. Refer Huffington Post

First, get ahead of your anticipated disputes by designing, implementing, and complying with a detailed and customized Parenting Plan (easier said than done, right?) This document is your roadmap, and provides all parents (biological and step parents) the specific terms and conditions under which they are to operate, leaving no room for “innocent” confusion or misunderstanding.

Second, set expectations relating to school work. Who will be responsible for making sure that classroom assignments are properly completed and handed-in? Who is available to work on research projects that span across multiple weeks? Perhaps design this by subject matter (Mom helps with Math, Dad helps with English). Or maybe Mom will work with one child, while Dad works with the other. There is no “correct” answer but a well-designed Parenting Plan identifies roles and responsibilities so that academic performances don’t suffer.

Third, discuss what you are willing (or, aren’t willing) to agree to relating to after-school activities and sports. And please, DO NOT engage your child(ren) in the discussion until after you’ve fully discussed it with the other co-parents involved. Consider the necessary logistics of your child’s participation in after-school activities or sports before making any promises that may or may not be able to be fulfilled. Will this unduly burden one parent, negatively affect time-sharing or prevent adequate time for homework? Are there safety and/or financial considerations?

Fourth, think about how you want to present yourself to your child(ren)’s teachers and coaches. Do you want to be the bitter, hateful parent, who seethes at even the mention of the other parent’s name? Do you want to manipulate situations to keep the other parent(s) away from school activities (and in doing so, alienating the child from his/her parent?) Or, do you want to present yourself as cooperative, inclusive, and genuinely more interested in your child’s well-being than in your own emotional turmoils? Participating in Parent-Teacher Conferences is an important element of parenting, and should be shared among all parents willing to be involved. Remember that the purpose of these meetings is for the benefit of your child. In order to avoid awkward, uncomfortable scenes, plan ahead: Perhaps Mom will go to all meetings relating to her son, and Dad will go to all meetings relating to his daughter. Perhaps they will go to all meetings together. Discuss stepparent involvement. Agree to an arrangement so that there are no surprises or uncomfortable moments.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

According to the Huffington Post Nov 1, 2016. Therapists often see couples facing a very real dilemma: After years and years together, one or both partners no longer feel as “in love” as they were before.

Is it possible to fall back in love? Absolutely, but it takes time and effort from both spouses. Below, marriage therapists offer a short list of advice they give couples at this crossroad.

1. Accept that you may have to work at falling back “in like” with each other first.

Falling out of love didn’t happen overnight. Falling back in love is going to take some time, too, explained David McFadden, a couples counselor at Village Counseling Center in Hanover Park, Illinois. To that end, lower your expectations and ask yourself: What is it going to take for me to even “like” my spouse again?

“Ask each other: Do we need to forgive things that have hurt in the past before we can like each other again? If so, start the forgiveness process,” he suggested. “Recalling steps you took to forgive in the past can help you get on that path again.”

2. End destructive communication patterns.

If you and your spouse are perennially unhappy, it may be because you’re stuck in a negative reactive pattern, possibly the pursuer-distancer pattern, said Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist in San Diego, California.

In this pattern, the “pursuer” in the relationship increasingly complains about the lack of connection in the marriage. As a result, the “distancer” avoids engagement by withdrawing or going on the defense.

“The chance for real connection is close to impossible in this vicious cycle,” Chapell Marsh said. “Usually, the more quiet one partner is, the louder the other gets and vice versa. If there’s a chance for the couple to get close again, the pursuer has to focus on delivering their message in a softer way and the distancer must start being more emotionally engaged in the relationship.”
3. Ask yourself: What qualities initially led me to fall in love with this person?

You may be able to recapture some of that spark by thinking back on the qualities that initially attracted you to your spouse, said Marcia Naomi Berger, a psychotherapist and author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted.

“I always pose that question to couples who want to stay married during their initial session,” she said. “Think on it, then make a point to re-experience happy courtship feelings by going out on a weekly fun date.”

4. Find some new shared interests.

There’s nothing wrong with growing as a person and developing separate interests. It becomes a problem, though, when you start to live parallel lives. Share some of your newfound interests with your spouse or find new shared hobbies, said Danielle Adinolfi, a Philadelphia-based marriage and family therapist.

“Make a plan to spend time engaging in activities that you both enjoy,” she said. “You and your spouse may have drifted apart, but you can also drift back together. You might find yourself remembering what you used to love about your partner.”

5. Take sex off the back burner.

If you’re disinterested in your marriage, chances are, sex hasn’t been high on your priority list, either. To recapture the spark, make an intentional effort to reach out and touch your spouse. Consider sex and intimate touch as a way to build love, said Melissa Fritchle, a family and couples therapist in Santa Cruz, California.

“It may seem difficult but committing to keeping physical closeness alive is really important,” she said. “Touch releases oxytocin which helps us to feel bonded and relaxed. Many couples pull away from sex and physical affection when they are no longer feeling love, but working at rebuilding sexual touch and gestures of affection is a key piece to rebuilding love and intimacy again.”

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

OK, so you’ve moved on and found a new love. Is that a problem as far as your divorce  situation? It’s not likely to affect your child care arrangement as long as there are no behavior problems with your new spouse. However, it could definitely affect your spousal support.

If you cohabitate after a divorce, expect that spousal support is subject to likely termination.

What if the other person is your same sex?

I imagine a majority of courts around the country, except perhaps for the Deep South, are adjusting appropriately to be in compliance with the U.S. Supreme Court’s historical decision finding state laws that prevented same-sex marriages are unconstitutional.  Which also meant that divorce statutes and divorce case law had to catch up with same-sex marriage.  One such aspect of divorce law that needed to catchup with the times was addressed by the Supreme Court of Virginia.

In many state, cohabitation with another person post-divorce can trigger a termination of a spousal support order.

The Ohio Supreme Court laid out two primary factors for determination of cohabitation in State v. Williams.  Specifically, (1) the sharing of familial or financial responsibilities; and (2) consortium.  To prove sharing of familial or financial responsibilities, the moving party would need to show evidence of provisions the parties make for food, shelter, clothing, and utilities.  To prove consortium, the moving party would need to show evidence of fidelity, affection, society, cooperation, solace, comfort, aid of each other, friendship, consideration of mutual respect, and conjugal relations.  In short, the court must consider whether the couple assumed obligations equivalent to those arising from a ceremonial marriage.

If you have any questions about this subject, you should consult with an attorney. Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.