Co-parenting can be difficult, and personal issues of the relationship can add to the hostility. So if is important to focus on avoiding conflicts, and making the situation as pleasant as possible.

Get ahead of your anticipated disputes by designing, implementing, and complying with a detailed and customized Parenting Plan (easier said than done, right?) This document is your roadmap, and provides all parents (biological and step parents) the specific terms and conditions under which they are to operate, leaving no room for “innocent” confusion or misunderstanding.

Set expectations relating to school work. Who will be responsible for making sure that classroom assignments are properly completed and handed-in? Who is available to work on research projects that span across multiple weeks? Perhaps design this by subject matter (Mom helps with Math, Dad helps with English). Or maybe Mom will work with one child, while Dad works with the other. There is no “correct” answer but a well-designed Parenting Plan identifies roles and responsibilities so that academic performances don’t suffer.

Discuss what you are willing (or, aren’t willing) to agree to relating to after-school activities and sports. And please, DO NOT engage your child(ren) in the discussion until after you’ve fully discussed it with the other co-parents involved. Consider the necessary logistics of your child’s participation in after-school activities or sports before making any promises that may or may not be able to be fulfilled. Will this unduly burden one parent, negatively affect time-sharing or prevent adequate time for homework? Are there safety and/or financial considerations?

Fourth, think about how you want to present yourself to your children’s teachers and coaches. Do you want to be the bitter, hateful parent, who seethes at even the mention of the other parent’s name? Do you want to manipulate situations to keep the other parent(s) away from school activities (and in doing so, alienating the child from his/her parent?) Or, do you want to present yourself as cooperative, inclusive, and genuinely more interested in your child’s well-being than in your own emotional turmoils? Participating in Parent-Teacher Conferences is an important element of parenting, and should be shared among all parents willing to be involved. Remember that the purpose of these meetings is for the benefit of your child. In order to avoid awkward, uncomfortable scenes, plan ahead: Perhaps Mom will go to all meetings relating to her son, and Dad will go to all meetings relating to his daughter. Perhaps they will go to all meetings together. Discuss stepparent involvement. Agree to an arrangement so that there are no surprises or uncomfortable moments.

Spend less time fighting the evolution and focus on your family successfully transitioning into a healthy, loving environment.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

Prenups are a sensitive subject. There is of course the traditional argument that “if you really love me, you won’t ask for a prenup”. Then we all know what happens when things change.

A valuable benefit of a prenup is that it protects the parties’ assets, including businesses and business interests, and helps to establish how the economic side of the relationship will work moving forward. With the increase in start-up businesses by Millennials, a prenup can afford protection to the business owner and also provide for the non-owner if the couple so chooses.

Marrying Later in Life than Previous Generations:

Chasing career dreams and ambitions can take time, and many Millennials are putting marriage to the side until they’ve achieved certain goals. Couples that marry later in life have often amassed a larger amount of assets (and debts) than if they had married at a younger age.  In the same way that prenups can protect the parties’ assets, these contracts can also provide protection from debt. It is smart to become informed about how marriage may impact assets, income and debt. This can be done with an experienced family law attorney. Then an informed decision can be made about whether or not to proceed with a prenup.

Increased Student Loan Debt:

Another reason couples sign a prenup is to provide certainty with respect to debt acquired before the marriage. The prenup can also address debt acquired after the marriage date.  (For example, the parties may want to require mutual agreement on debt in excess of a certain amount or how payments towards a pre-existing separate property mortgage will be addressed.)  The PEW Research Center found that Millennials are actually the “most educated” generation to date. Millennials, as a whole, have viewed an undergraduate college and graduate school education as necessary, and have taken on much more debt than previous generations in order to get it. When coupled with any other outstanding debt (credit cards, car/home loans, etc.), it makes sense that Millennials would want to enter into a prenup to ensure that the financial responsibilities will be divided fairly in the household.  The financial disclosure included in prenup negotiations sets the state for clear expectations about how finances will work during the marriage.

Certain myths about prenups are not considered valid by Millenials (and others!)  There is no longer a stigma attached to wanting a prenup and the document is positively viewed as bringing certainty and security to the economic side of the relationship. Open and honest conversations about how things will work during the marriage are viewed as a platform for establishing good communication and trust.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

Many people are not aware of of the concept of “temporary orders” and get a real shock when their lawyer explains what’s about to happen to them.

Divorce can affect the whole family. This is particularly true if you have children. One requirement of divorce is figuring out who gets custody of the kids, and when. Negotiating custody can take time. What happens during the process of divorce itself? Which parent will the kids stay with while the details of the divorce are being finalized? The answer will depend on you and your spouse.

Negotiate Temporary Custody Terms Yourself

Some divorces are amicable. This simply means that you and your spouse can see eye-to-eye on most things in the divorce. While you may have some disagreements about alimony, child support, or property division, you tend to approach things with an even head. You are able to find mutually-agreeable solutions to problems you encounter. You’re both working together to make the divorce process as simple as possible.

If you find yourself in this situation, you and your spouse should try to agree on a temporary custody arrangement. If you have a permanent agreement in place, your temporary arrangement could simply follow those terms. The best thing to do is to find a schedule that works for your kids.

When crafting a temporary custody arrangement for your divorce, consider:
•Which parent’s home is near the children’s school
•Which parent will be available to spend the most time with the kids
•Which parent will be available to drive the children to their various activities, and
•The children’s preference.

Agreeing on a custody arrangement during your divorce can help protect your kids from the negative aspects of your split.

Request a Temporary Custody Court Order

Other times, you may find that your spouse fights you at every step of the way in your divorce. They refuse to agree on any terms you present and make it difficult to get anything accomplished. When it comes to the kids, they may be adamant about having custody now and into the future. If you want to share custody, or believe your children may be endangered by the other parent, you can ask the court to step in.

In order to get the court to help you’ll have to file a Request for Order. This request will basically ask the court to issue a temporary custody order. The order will only last for the duration of your divorce. Once the divorce is finalized, the terms of your permanent child custody agreement will go into effect.

In this Request for Order, you must include:
•An explanation of the type of order you’d like the court to issue;
•A request for a specific type of custody (e.g., joint, sole), and
•Declaration and evidence supporting your request.

Your spouse will have the opportunity to formally respond to your request with a declaration of their own. After a judge reviews relevant documents, he or she will set two different dates: mediation and court.

Mediation: You’ll be required to attempt to resolve your custody dispute with the help of a mediator before going to court. The mediator will speak with you and your spouse separately and try to move you in a positive direction. The goal of mediation is to find a temporary custody arrangement that you can both live with.

Court: If mediation is unsuccessful, you’ll have the opportunity to present your case to a judge. The judge will likely be unhappy that you were unable to resolve the issue in mediation. He or she will issue an order that serves the children’s best interests. Remember, this order will only be temporary.

Get Help Negotiating Child Custody During Your Divorce

It’s important to make sure that your child’s best interests are considered when you get a divorce. This includes the living arrangement for however long it takes to finalize your split. Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

OK, so you knew it was coming. They made same sex marriage legal, so it was only a matter of time until we got same sex divorce. Same-sex divorce poses complications for some splitting couples. Refer CNBC Nov 10, 2017

•The legal date of a same-sex marriage might not accurately reflect how long the relationship has lasted.
•In some cases, parental rights are not clear-cut.
•Mediation, which tends to be less costly and more flexible, can be a better option than litigating a divorce.
Two years after the U.S. Supreme Court leagalized same-sex marriages, some couples who decide to call it quits are discovering that getting married was the easy part.

From divvying up assets to asserting parental rights, the details of divorce that can be more clear-cut with heterosexual marriages are creating complications for same-sex couples.

“The reality for many same-sex couples who are divorcing is that they had relationships in place prior to the marriage — some for many, many years,” said Joyce Kauffman, principal of Kauffman Law & Mediation in Roslindale, Massachusetts. “The courts have broad discretion in these matters, and that discretion can go in your favor or not.”

The 2015 decision in Obergefell v. Hodges meant that all 50 states — 13 of which still banned same-sex marriages — would be required to allow gay and lesbian couples to marry within their own borders and acknowledge marriages that originated in other states.

The landmark ruling also delivered marital legal protections afforded to heterosexual marriages, including rights related to medical decisions, certain tax benefits and access to employee benefits.

Divorce is more complicated. There are federal regulations that play a role, most of which are tax-related — i.e., the current deductibility of alimony payments and the untaxed transfer of certain retirement assets. But much of how divorce is handled happens at the state level.

The biggest sticking point often relates to when the marriage began, which can dictate how assets are divided and whether a spouse receives alimony (also known as spousal support). Generally, the longer any marriage has lasted, the more weight it carries when judges are determining how to award a lower-earning or no-earning spouse a percentage of assets and/or alimony.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

Most people are not aware that they have some choices when it comes to divorce. You probably think you just call your lawyer, and off you go. But if you are facing the prospect of divorce, be aware that there are some options.

Option #1 – The Attorney-driven Divorce. Hiring an attorney is your best option if you need legal protection from your spouse or if your spouse has already retained a lawyer. If you are unaware of what the marital assets are or how much your spouse earns a divorce attorney can investigate all of these details. Additionally, if you feel intimidated as the result of domestic violence or coercion, negotiating without a divorce lawyer is often a bad idea. You can find a lawyer through the Florida Bar’s Lawyer Referral Service –> Click Here.

If you and your spouse hire traditional attorneys, your attorneys will engage in a discovery process designed to gather information about you, your spouse, and your finances.  After discovery is complete you will likely attend mediation with a mediator selected by your attorneys.  If you choose Collaborative Attorneys you, your spouse, and your attorneys will participate in a series of negations with the Collaborative team and reach a final settlement before any paperwork is filed with the court.

Whether you hire traditional or collaborative attorneys, the chances are that your divorce will be settled using mediation or some form of negotiation.  In Florida, only about 3% of divorce cases actually go to trial.

Option #2 – DIY Divorce. If your situation is uncomplicated, you may want to fill-in all of the forms you will need for your divorce and file them with the court on your own. All of the forms are available on-line, for free, at the Florida Supreme Court’s website. (Start by finding the petition that works for you (Form 12.901). The instructions for Form 12.901 will outline which other forms you will need. Alternatively, you can buy a form packet at the local courthouse. This packet will include all of the forms you need. And, many local courthouses provide self-help assistance.

If you go the DIY divorce route, and file paperwork on your own, the court will typically send you to a court-annexed mediation program where you can resolve any remaining issues.

Option#3 – Friendly Divorce Mediation (Often called Pro-Se/Pre-Suit Mediation). The third option involves the hiring of a mediator – before attorneys are retained or any documents are filed. This option is often chosen by couples that want to save time/money and side-step the negative nature of an attorney-driven divorce but still believe that they need the assistance of a knowledgeable professional. This process is called Pro-se/Pre-suit Divorce Mediation. (Pro-se means self-represented or unrepresented (in essence, without lawyers) and Pre-suit means before a law suit has been filed.) Mediators that offer Pro-se/Pre-suit mediation are trained to guide divorcing couples towards agreement, an uncontested divorce, and a friendlier future. Steve Hair offers Pro-se/Pre-suit divorce mediation and document preparation services.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

The divorce process isn’t easy for anyone, but when your spouse is particularly obnoxious, the entire process can be especially challenging. A narcissist is a very extreme type of personality, often characterized by egotistical, arrogant, and unfeeling characteristics. Plenty of people can exhibit these behaviors every now and then – but for a narcissist, these are deep-seated aspects of their personality. Dealing with this personality type during simple arguments can be bad enough, but when you try to go through a divorce with a narcissist, their behaviors may make it all but impossible.

If you find yourself stuck in the divorce process with a narcissist, try following these tips to improve your situation.

Find a Support System

Your narcissistic spouse may try to drag your name through the dirt during the divorce process, painting you as the wrong-doer and refusing to allow any concessions. Unfortunately, there is little you can do to stop them from smearing your name or spreading their version of the truth to friends, family members, coworkers, and so on. The most important thing you can remember during this time is that you are getting out. When things get tough, make sure you have a solid, reliable support system to turn to. Your ex’s friends and family may believe what he or she says about you, but you have family and friends who want to support you, too. Focus on their love and support and remember that the people who matter know who you truly are, and they are ready to offer you the comfort and support you need.

It Isn’t a Competition, Even Though Your Spouse May Think So

Narcissists often see things in simple terms, and they might approach the divorce with a very competitive mentality. Remember, even if your spouse is attempting to “win,” your divorce is not a competition. Just because one person gets the house or is awarded spousal support, that doesn’t mean that spouse “wins.” Divorce is meant to be a process of give and take, where two lives that were joined are now split in a way that is equitable and fair. Going into it with this mentality is far healthier and more realistic than if you were to see it as your narcissistic spouse likely does.

Do Not Let Them Bait You

Most narcissistic personalities are hot and cold, often jumping back and forth between a whole slew of emotions. They could simply be reacting to whatever is happening in the moment, but they might also be trying to bait you into an argument. As easy as it would be to fall into this trap, try your hardest not to. Save all communication for your attorneys and the courtroom and avoid any unnecessary discussions about the divorce or anything else that could lead to a fight.

Also, make sure you keep thorough records of anything your spouse has said or agreed to. If he or she was ever verbally abusive or threatening, keep track of all correspondences that reveal their behavior. Text messages, emails, letters, voicemails, and other hard evidence could be used to help your case in court.

Remember What’s Important

The entire process of divorce can be emotionally overwhelming and stressful, so remind yourself why you’re doing it. Remember why you need to go through with this divorce and think of the most important things in your life. If you have children, try to focus more on their welfare rather than thinking about that nasty thing your spouse said the last time you spoke. It can be very hard to stay positive during this time, but it will help you stay focused on your goals.

Be Realistic About Parenting

If you share children with a narcissistic spouse, parenting together could be a very difficult challenge. Prepare yourself for what this could mean for you and your children. If your spouse is a fit parent and has no record of wrongdoing, it is very likely that you will share custody of your children. At the very least, you will have to work with your ex to coordinate visitation.

Work with your attorney to create a very detailed parenting plan as part of your divorce settlement, addressing any issues that may come up, such as who pays for medical expenses, saving for college, how holidays and vacations are handled, religious expectations, etc. You can address most parenting issues in the parenting plan and having those formalized will give you some control over how your children are co-parented.

And remember, as cooperative or sweet-talking as they may be when they want something, remember to stay level-headed and go into co-parenting with eyes wide open. The last thing you want is for your ex to take advantage of you, undercutting your role as a parent in the process. Instead, make sure you keep things as civil as possible but remain firm in the important things, prioritizing the needs of your kids.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

Words can be very powerful things. While they can’t break your bones, they can cause a lot of pain. Divorce is a really painful process anyway. You can make life less difficult for you and your ex by trying to stay positive in the negotiation process.Here are some thoughts on preparing for an effective negotiation whether it is in mediation or another process.

1.Establish a focus and listen

One of the key components to effective negotiation is to listen to the other party (really listen!) and focus on the problem.  How you express yourself and how you react to the other party impacts the productiveness of the dialogue.  Stay away from personal attacks as they create stress and do not lead to good results.
2.Choice of process

Examine the different processes available for resolution of the issues and choose one that feels comfortable for both parties.  Research how each process works to determine whether it is the right one for your situation. Examples are mediation, collaborative law and direct or kitchen table negotiation.

3.Time Management

Establish a realistic time frame for how and when the negotiation will take place.  Understand what information is needed to make decisions, how and when it will be produced and who will take responsibility for gathering the information.
4.Focus on the future not the past

Establish priorities and then, after all of the necessary information is collected and understood, stay flexible and take a careful look at options for resolution.

5.Be creative

Solutions are usually richer when both parties spend their energy considering options, alternatives and “what-ifs” that work for both parties.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

OK, so before you were married you signed this prenuptial agreement. Now, you are getting a divorce, and you’re wondering what your options are.

Consider hiring an attorney.

If you want to challenge a prenuptial agreement in court, then you probably need an attorney. An experienced divorce lawyer will know the details of the law relating to prenuptial agreements, which vary by state.[1] An experienced attorney can also help you build the strongest case possible for setting aside the prenup. •You can find an experienced family law attorney by visiting your state’s bar association, which should run a referral program.
•Many family law attorneys offer free consultations.[2] Call and ask if a free consultation is possible. By meeting briefly with a lawyer, you can get some sense of how strong your case is.

Check if the agreement was properly executed.

A prenuptial agreement has to be executed in a specific way, depending on state. First, it must be in writing. Also, the prenuptial agreement should be signed. If it isn’t signed, then you can have it invalidated. •Also check to see if the agreement was witnessed. Your state may have laws requiring that a prenup be witnessed. In Georgia, every prenuptial agreement must be attested by two witnesses.[3]
Read the prenuptial agreement. As you read it, you want to check for anything that is false or one-sided. Prenuptial agreements can be invalidated for the following reasons: •Incomplete information. Look to see that your spouse disclosed all of their assets in the prenuptial agreement. If they hid something, then you may have grounds to get the prenup thrown out.[4]
•False information. Your spouse may have outright lied about information. If the prenuptial agreement contains false information, then it may be broken.[5]
•Invalid provisions. Look to see if your prenuptial agreement contains any provisions that are “repugnant.” A common one is an agreement that one spouse will not have to pay child support in the event of divorce. [6] Not only is that repugnant, it is also legally invalid. A parent cannot contract out of child support obligations.
•Lopsided provisions. You might be able to argue that the prenuptial agreement is too one-sided and therefore “unconscionable.” This can be difficult to prove, since all prenuptial agreements involve a level of unfairness; if the parties were interested in fairness, there would be no agreement in the first place. However, giving virtually all marital property to one spouse could be unconscionable, depending on the circumstances.

Remember the circumstances of your signing it.

You might be able to get a court to toss a prenuptial agreement if the circumstances surrounding your signing the prenup were unfair. For example, ask yourself the following: •Did I have my own attorney? Some states require that each party have its own attorney.[7] Even if your state does not require separate attorneys, the failure to get an attorney for yourself could be proof that you were coerced into signing the agreement.
•Did I have time to consider the prenuptial agreement before signing? For your consent to be valid, you need to have had time to consider the prenuptial agreement. The less time you had to consider the prenuptial agreement, the more likely it is invalid.[8]
•Was I pressured into signing? A prenuptial agreement will be set aside if signed under coercion. However, signing any prenup involves an amount of coercion, so the coercion has to be strong in order to set the agreement aside.
•Did I read the prenuptial agreement before signing? This is another factor courts will consider.[9] If you were unable to read it for a good reason, then you may have a stronger case for setting the agreement aside.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

Refer the following from the Huffington Post 2/15/17. You are going to get married. You have substantial net worth. You have a business that you have built up over the years and it is now doing well. You are excited about your upcoming marriage and you don’t want to do anything that might take the excitement out of the process. Since you already own the business and you already have accumulated your worth, there seems to be nothing to worry about. After all, community property, as you understand it, encompasses that which you acquire during the course of your marriage. You already have the business and the assets going in, so in the off-chance it does not work out you will be okay financially.

While it is true that in California assets that are acquired prior to marriage, or that are acquired through a gift or inheritance are separate property – they don’t always remain so. If the business you are operating continues to grow through the marriage, the appreciation in the value of that business becomes community property. As a community property state, the law provides that accumulations made through the efforts of a spouse while married are community property. As a result, that growth that your business has experienced becomes community property as well. It does not mean that the entire business becomes community property, but some portion of it is jointly owned by you and your new spouse which means that if things do not work out – your new spouse is going to have his or her share of that business coming to them. This can create significant problems when it comes time to divide up the marital estate. It may be that most of your assets are tied up in that business and it may then become difficult to buy your new spouse out of it.

A similar problem can arise with separate property money. If it is passively invested, then in theory there is no issue — you put no effort into causing it to increase in value after marriage, and provided that you never put it into a jointly-titled account, or transferred it to an account opened after marriage it will be safe. The problem is that in real life things don’t usually work this way. Inevitably, some effort may go into managing it or at some point money will be moved from one account to another. And in the course of a marriage that lasts many years, things may come up that require the use of funds for a joint purpose that came from a separate property source and now require extensive accounting to trace back to that source.

There is one way to avoid these problems. As unpleasant as the discussion may be, by addressing these issues in a premarital agreement one can ensure that what is intended to remain separate does so. In addition, there are benefits to creating such an agreement prior to marriage: it forces the couple to discuss what they are going to do with their finances. It educates both parties about the other’s financial situation. It causes them to reflect upon what it arrangements they need to make to ensure that everyone’s needs and expectations are taken care of. As unpleasant as the subject matter may be, in truth there are reasons to bring the subject up that may make the relationship going more smoothly, and offer the asset protection that either or both spouses are looking for.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.