Most people are not aware that they have some choices when it comes to divorce. You probably think you just call your lawyer, and off you go. But if you are facing the prospect of divorce, be aware that there are some options.

Option #1 – The Attorney-driven Divorce. Hiring an attorney is your best option if you need legal protection from your spouse or if your spouse has already retained a lawyer. If you are unaware of what the marital assets are or how much your spouse earns a divorce attorney can investigate all of these details. Additionally, if you feel intimidated as the result of domestic violence or coercion, negotiating without a divorce lawyer is often a bad idea. You can find a lawyer through the Florida Bar’s Lawyer Referral Service –> Click Here.

If you and your spouse hire traditional attorneys, your attorneys will engage in a discovery process designed to gather information about you, your spouse, and your finances.  After discovery is complete you will likely attend mediation with a mediator selected by your attorneys.  If you choose Collaborative Attorneys you, your spouse, and your attorneys will participate in a series of negations with the Collaborative team and reach a final settlement before any paperwork is filed with the court.

Whether you hire traditional or collaborative attorneys, the chances are that your divorce will be settled using mediation or some form of negotiation.  In Florida, only about 3% of divorce cases actually go to trial.

Option #2 – DIY Divorce. If your situation is uncomplicated, you may want to fill-in all of the forms you will need for your divorce and file them with the court on your own. All of the forms are available on-line, for free, at the Florida Supreme Court’s website. (Start by finding the petition that works for you (Form 12.901). The instructions for Form 12.901 will outline which other forms you will need. Alternatively, you can buy a form packet at the local courthouse. This packet will include all of the forms you need. And, many local courthouses provide self-help assistance.

If you go the DIY divorce route, and file paperwork on your own, the court will typically send you to a court-annexed mediation program where you can resolve any remaining issues.

Option#3 – Friendly Divorce Mediation (Often called Pro-Se/Pre-Suit Mediation). The third option involves the hiring of a mediator – before attorneys are retained or any documents are filed. This option is often chosen by couples that want to save time/money and side-step the negative nature of an attorney-driven divorce but still believe that they need the assistance of a knowledgeable professional. This process is called Pro-se/Pre-suit Divorce Mediation. (Pro-se means self-represented or unrepresented (in essence, without lawyers) and Pre-suit means before a law suit has been filed.) Mediators that offer Pro-se/Pre-suit mediation are trained to guide divorcing couples towards agreement, an uncontested divorce, and a friendlier future. Steve Hair offers Pro-se/Pre-suit divorce mediation and document preparation services.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

The divorce process isn’t easy for anyone, but when your spouse is particularly obnoxious, the entire process can be especially challenging. A narcissist is a very extreme type of personality, often characterized by egotistical, arrogant, and unfeeling characteristics. Plenty of people can exhibit these behaviors every now and then – but for a narcissist, these are deep-seated aspects of their personality. Dealing with this personality type during simple arguments can be bad enough, but when you try to go through a divorce with a narcissist, their behaviors may make it all but impossible.

If you find yourself stuck in the divorce process with a narcissist, try following these tips to improve your situation.

Find a Support System

Your narcissistic spouse may try to drag your name through the dirt during the divorce process, painting you as the wrong-doer and refusing to allow any concessions. Unfortunately, there is little you can do to stop them from smearing your name or spreading their version of the truth to friends, family members, coworkers, and so on. The most important thing you can remember during this time is that you are getting out. When things get tough, make sure you have a solid, reliable support system to turn to. Your ex’s friends and family may believe what he or she says about you, but you have family and friends who want to support you, too. Focus on their love and support and remember that the people who matter know who you truly are, and they are ready to offer you the comfort and support you need.

It Isn’t a Competition, Even Though Your Spouse May Think So

Narcissists often see things in simple terms, and they might approach the divorce with a very competitive mentality. Remember, even if your spouse is attempting to “win,” your divorce is not a competition. Just because one person gets the house or is awarded spousal support, that doesn’t mean that spouse “wins.” Divorce is meant to be a process of give and take, where two lives that were joined are now split in a way that is equitable and fair. Going into it with this mentality is far healthier and more realistic than if you were to see it as your narcissistic spouse likely does.

Do Not Let Them Bait You

Most narcissistic personalities are hot and cold, often jumping back and forth between a whole slew of emotions. They could simply be reacting to whatever is happening in the moment, but they might also be trying to bait you into an argument. As easy as it would be to fall into this trap, try your hardest not to. Save all communication for your attorneys and the courtroom and avoid any unnecessary discussions about the divorce or anything else that could lead to a fight.

Also, make sure you keep thorough records of anything your spouse has said or agreed to. If he or she was ever verbally abusive or threatening, keep track of all correspondences that reveal their behavior. Text messages, emails, letters, voicemails, and other hard evidence could be used to help your case in court.

Remember What’s Important

The entire process of divorce can be emotionally overwhelming and stressful, so remind yourself why you’re doing it. Remember why you need to go through with this divorce and think of the most important things in your life. If you have children, try to focus more on their welfare rather than thinking about that nasty thing your spouse said the last time you spoke. It can be very hard to stay positive during this time, but it will help you stay focused on your goals.

Be Realistic About Parenting

If you share children with a narcissistic spouse, parenting together could be a very difficult challenge. Prepare yourself for what this could mean for you and your children. If your spouse is a fit parent and has no record of wrongdoing, it is very likely that you will share custody of your children. At the very least, you will have to work with your ex to coordinate visitation.

Work with your attorney to create a very detailed parenting plan as part of your divorce settlement, addressing any issues that may come up, such as who pays for medical expenses, saving for college, how holidays and vacations are handled, religious expectations, etc. You can address most parenting issues in the parenting plan and having those formalized will give you some control over how your children are co-parented.

And remember, as cooperative or sweet-talking as they may be when they want something, remember to stay level-headed and go into co-parenting with eyes wide open. The last thing you want is for your ex to take advantage of you, undercutting your role as a parent in the process. Instead, make sure you keep things as civil as possible but remain firm in the important things, prioritizing the needs of your kids.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

Words can be very powerful things. While they can’t break your bones, they can cause a lot of pain. Divorce is a really painful process anyway. You can make life less difficult for you and your ex by trying to stay positive in the negotiation process.Here are some thoughts on preparing for an effective negotiation whether it is in mediation or another process.

1.Establish a focus and listen

One of the key components to effective negotiation is to listen to the other party (really listen!) and focus on the problem.  How you express yourself and how you react to the other party impacts the productiveness of the dialogue.  Stay away from personal attacks as they create stress and do not lead to good results.
2.Choice of process

Examine the different processes available for resolution of the issues and choose one that feels comfortable for both parties.  Research how each process works to determine whether it is the right one for your situation. Examples are mediation, collaborative law and direct or kitchen table negotiation.

3.Time Management

Establish a realistic time frame for how and when the negotiation will take place.  Understand what information is needed to make decisions, how and when it will be produced and who will take responsibility for gathering the information.
4.Focus on the future not the past

Establish priorities and then, after all of the necessary information is collected and understood, stay flexible and take a careful look at options for resolution.

5.Be creative

Solutions are usually richer when both parties spend their energy considering options, alternatives and “what-ifs” that work for both parties.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

OK, so before you were married you signed this prenuptial agreement. Now, you are getting a divorce, and you’re wondering what your options are.

Consider hiring an attorney.

If you want to challenge a prenuptial agreement in court, then you probably need an attorney. An experienced divorce lawyer will know the details of the law relating to prenuptial agreements, which vary by state.[1] An experienced attorney can also help you build the strongest case possible for setting aside the prenup. •You can find an experienced family law attorney by visiting your state’s bar association, which should run a referral program.
•Many family law attorneys offer free consultations.[2] Call and ask if a free consultation is possible. By meeting briefly with a lawyer, you can get some sense of how strong your case is.

Check if the agreement was properly executed.

A prenuptial agreement has to be executed in a specific way, depending on state. First, it must be in writing. Also, the prenuptial agreement should be signed. If it isn’t signed, then you can have it invalidated. •Also check to see if the agreement was witnessed. Your state may have laws requiring that a prenup be witnessed. In Georgia, every prenuptial agreement must be attested by two witnesses.[3]
Read the prenuptial agreement. As you read it, you want to check for anything that is false or one-sided. Prenuptial agreements can be invalidated for the following reasons: •Incomplete information. Look to see that your spouse disclosed all of their assets in the prenuptial agreement. If they hid something, then you may have grounds to get the prenup thrown out.[4]
•False information. Your spouse may have outright lied about information. If the prenuptial agreement contains false information, then it may be broken.[5]
•Invalid provisions. Look to see if your prenuptial agreement contains any provisions that are “repugnant.” A common one is an agreement that one spouse will not have to pay child support in the event of divorce. [6] Not only is that repugnant, it is also legally invalid. A parent cannot contract out of child support obligations.
•Lopsided provisions. You might be able to argue that the prenuptial agreement is too one-sided and therefore “unconscionable.” This can be difficult to prove, since all prenuptial agreements involve a level of unfairness; if the parties were interested in fairness, there would be no agreement in the first place. However, giving virtually all marital property to one spouse could be unconscionable, depending on the circumstances.

Remember the circumstances of your signing it.

You might be able to get a court to toss a prenuptial agreement if the circumstances surrounding your signing the prenup were unfair. For example, ask yourself the following: •Did I have my own attorney? Some states require that each party have its own attorney.[7] Even if your state does not require separate attorneys, the failure to get an attorney for yourself could be proof that you were coerced into signing the agreement.
•Did I have time to consider the prenuptial agreement before signing? For your consent to be valid, you need to have had time to consider the prenuptial agreement. The less time you had to consider the prenuptial agreement, the more likely it is invalid.[8]
•Was I pressured into signing? A prenuptial agreement will be set aside if signed under coercion. However, signing any prenup involves an amount of coercion, so the coercion has to be strong in order to set the agreement aside.
•Did I read the prenuptial agreement before signing? This is another factor courts will consider.[9] If you were unable to read it for a good reason, then you may have a stronger case for setting the agreement aside.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

Refer the following from the Huffington Post 2/15/17. You are going to get married. You have substantial net worth. You have a business that you have built up over the years and it is now doing well. You are excited about your upcoming marriage and you don’t want to do anything that might take the excitement out of the process. Since you already own the business and you already have accumulated your worth, there seems to be nothing to worry about. After all, community property, as you understand it, encompasses that which you acquire during the course of your marriage. You already have the business and the assets going in, so in the off-chance it does not work out you will be okay financially.

While it is true that in California assets that are acquired prior to marriage, or that are acquired through a gift or inheritance are separate property – they don’t always remain so. If the business you are operating continues to grow through the marriage, the appreciation in the value of that business becomes community property. As a community property state, the law provides that accumulations made through the efforts of a spouse while married are community property. As a result, that growth that your business has experienced becomes community property as well. It does not mean that the entire business becomes community property, but some portion of it is jointly owned by you and your new spouse which means that if things do not work out – your new spouse is going to have his or her share of that business coming to them. This can create significant problems when it comes time to divide up the marital estate. It may be that most of your assets are tied up in that business and it may then become difficult to buy your new spouse out of it.

A similar problem can arise with separate property money. If it is passively invested, then in theory there is no issue — you put no effort into causing it to increase in value after marriage, and provided that you never put it into a jointly-titled account, or transferred it to an account opened after marriage it will be safe. The problem is that in real life things don’t usually work this way. Inevitably, some effort may go into managing it or at some point money will be moved from one account to another. And in the course of a marriage that lasts many years, things may come up that require the use of funds for a joint purpose that came from a separate property source and now require extensive accounting to trace back to that source.

There is one way to avoid these problems. As unpleasant as the discussion may be, by addressing these issues in a premarital agreement one can ensure that what is intended to remain separate does so. In addition, there are benefits to creating such an agreement prior to marriage: it forces the couple to discuss what they are going to do with their finances. It educates both parties about the other’s financial situation. It causes them to reflect upon what it arrangements they need to make to ensure that everyone’s needs and expectations are taken care of. As unpleasant as the subject matter may be, in truth there are reasons to bring the subject up that may make the relationship going more smoothly, and offer the asset protection that either or both spouses are looking for.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

If you haven’t been through it, it can be an overwhelming experience. You may not want to put all your personal information out there for the world to see. You may have a few things that you were hoping not everyone would have to know about. Why do you have to disclose everything?

The answers to these questions are found in Family Code Section 2100, but in a nutshell, the law requires everyone to do a full and accurate financial disclosure for three main reasons: 1) it helps promote settlement; 2) it makes sure both sides understand and know what the assets and debts are; and 3) it ensures a fair and open resolution to property division.

Even if I’ve managed to convince you of the benefits of doing a full financial disclosure, I understand that the job is still difficult.  When trudging through stacks of documents and online statements, follow the Rule of Three to make your life easier.  The number three is magical—getting three things done is doable, not overwhelming, and most importantly, is real progress.

Three (naturally) ways you can use the Rule of Three to get your Schedule of Assets and Debts done:

1) Pick the next three things you need to do and write them down on a sticky note or piece of scrap paper.  For example, 1) Get a copy of the house deed; 2) Get the latest mortgage statement; and 3) Go to zillow.com for the current fair market value of the house.  Then do them.  Every time you get distracted and forget what you were supposed to be doing, go back to your list.  If you get discouraged, remember that you only have three things you need to do.  When you’ve done the first three, write down and do another three.  You’ll be amazed at how many completed post-it notes you’ll end up with.  Always finish your three before taking a break.

2)  At the end of the day, pick the most important three things for you to do the next day.  Write them down.  Set a specific time of day that you’re going to start on your project and stick to it.  If you use this technique, you’ll always be working on your priorities.

3)  If your list is very long (and with Schedules of Assets and Debts, they do tend to be long!), pick three similar things, and do just those.  I like to group them in terms of the assets and debts—main home, rental property, cars, bank accounts, timeshares, retirement accounts, etc., but there certainly is no magic to my method.  If you like stability like me, do three more of the same things until that entire group is done.  If you like variety, do three of something different.

None of this is legal genius.  It’s my best advice for how to take this overwhelming task and break it down into something doable so that you feel like you can start.  Once you’re moving, things become much easier – you’re buoyed by the progress you’re making.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

So It’s that time of year again – getting ready for taxes. If you are involved in a divorce, you have a new degree of complexity. We have some tips for you from Forbes, March 7 2013.

If you were divorced last year or are going through a divorce now, I’d like to offer six quick tips that will help you avoid paying higher taxes than necessary and potential penalties.

1. Be sure to select the right federal tax filing status. It’s based on whether you were married or single on the last day of last year.

If your divorce was finalized by year-end, file your taxes as a single person or, if you had a child and qualify, head of household status; head of household offers more tax advantages than filing as a single person. Otherwise, choose “married filing jointly.”

If you’re not yet divorced, you generally have two options: married filing jointly or married filing separately. Usually it’s better to go with jointly, advises Mark Luscombe, the principal federal tax analyst for the CCH tax advisory firm based in Riverwoods, Ill. “It tends to lower your taxes,” he says.

2. Claim an exemption for your child if you’re allowed. You may be eligible to lower your taxes by taking the dependent exemption for your son or daughter if you were divorced or legally separated last year. To do so, you must have been named the custodial parent in your divorce decree.

If you were the custodial parent in 2012, you may also be eligible for the child care tax credit and education tax credits.

In some cases, the custodial parent can give the dependent exemption to the non-custodial parent by filing the awkwardly titled IRS Form 8332: Release/Revocation of Release of Claim to Exemption for Child by Custodial Parent.

3. Don’t run afoul of the tax rules for child support. Neither you nor your ex can deduct child support payments you made. But child support you received isn’t taxed as income, either.

4. Avoid getting tripped up by the tax rules for alimony. If your ex-spouse paid alimony or gave you money each month to maintain your home and life, you’ll probably owe taxes on that income. Your former spouse can deduct the payments. The rules are reversed, of course, if you were the one paying alimony in 2012.

In general, if you were legally separated under a decree of divorce or separate maintenance in 2012 and you and your ex weren’t members of the same household when the alimony payments were made, the rules are the same.

Keep in mind that the IRS is strict regarding what qualifies as alimony and when the person paying it can write off the payments. Cash, checks or money orders meet the alimony test, but property does not.

Moreover, if you and your husband continued to share a residence after the divorce and he gave you alimony, you’ll owe taxes on those payments and he can’t deduct them.

5. Consider using alimony you received last year to fund a 2012 Individual Retirement Account. You generally need “earned income” to contribute to an IRA — and alimony qualifies. IRA contributions for 2012 can be made until April 15.

6. Get up to speed on how the recent tax law could affect your taxes. If you’re in the middle of negotiating a divorce agreement, some of the provisions in the law could send you over a fiscal cliff of a different kind. Take the time to learn how the law might impact your settlement agreement and negotiate accordingly.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

Refer Huffington Post Dec 6, 2017. The first holiday season after a divorce or separation can place tremendous emotional strain on the best of us. Now that you and your ex have parted ways, the holiday parties and family gatherings you have been celebrating for years as a couple suddenly seem daunting and complicated. Who gets to go to which parties? How do you “share custody” of friendships? What do you say when someone asks why your better half is no longer at your side? It’s enough to make an already emotionally fraught season barely tolerable.

But fear not. Celebrating the holidays alone can be a great joy, but it requires good planning, a positive attitude and most importantly, realistic expectations. Here is our short list of tips to help you have a joyful holiday season solo:

1. Don’t Stay Home Alone!

What’s the worst thing you can do to yourself during the holidays? Spending time alone with your thoughts. Even worse? Avoiding your family and friends. Your first holidays after a break up can be an emotional roller coaster, so don’t try to ride it solo. Make plans with close friends and loved ones to avoid spending time alone. Don’t be shy. Extend invitations to others: co-workers, old friends, other divorcees. Find a support group or, better yet, volunteer. Filling the holidays with people will leave you with no free time to ponder the last year’s would of, should of, could ofs.

2. Avoid the Ghosts of Holidays Past.

The holidays are a time to make memories: wild office parties, quiet crisp winter landscapes, romantic New Year’s nights. When recently going through a divorce or separation, don’t visit places where you have created holiday memories with your ex. And if you happen upon that bistro or bar that you and your ex once frequented for years and years, don’t let the past haunt your future. So just pop in, say your hellos and merry Christmases and leave. This isn’t the time to reminisce on old memories; it’s the time to begin building fresh, fun, brand new ones.

3. Share the Joy (and the Kids).

Nothing makes the holidays better than the sounds of children: laughing, shouting, tearing open gifts. Don’t be selfish. Share this joy with your ex. Plan for the kids to spend time with both you and your ex. A well-planned visitation schedule will make all the difference. Know each other’s schedules; nothing is worse than miscommunication. Find a holiday place like a mall for to pick up and drop off your children. Seeing your children’s smiles against the holiday decorations will help you leave them for a few days. And, when you have to see your ex, remember the most important gift of all: Don’t put you children in the crossfire. The holidays are harder for them than they are for you!

4. Take your own Holiday Vacation, You Earned it!

Get away from all the people and places that remind you of your previous
life. Taking a vacation will give you the opportunity to relax and forget about all the drama and difficulty that came with your divorce and separation. And if your stockings aren’t full enough for a flight, take a vacation in your hometown. Visit a museum. Go to a holiday market. Rent a hotel. Shop. You’d be surprised how much a few days away can give you some perspective.

5. Make a New Year’s Resolution — Or Several.

Leave last year — the disappointments, the fights, the court dates, the tears — behind you.

Remember: It’s a new year and a new you! So make a resolution: Take up a new sport, join a new club, meet new people and put yourself back out there. And, most importantly, count your blessings. Always remember that things could be worse. No matter how bad the divorce and or break up was, you still have something to be thankful for. Be optimistic, you never know what the holiday and New Year may bring to you.

A divorce or separation doesn’t mean the end; it means a new beginning. In our decades of experience, we have seen hundreds of clients recover from their divorce to find love again. Embrace the spirit of the season — of hope, joy, and renewal. Have a happy and healthy holidays.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.

So your divorce is behind you, and maybe you are lucky enough to have found a new relationship. If you have kids, there is always a concern about introducing your children to the new person. If you aren’t sure if the relationship is going to continue, you may decide to hold off. But how long is too long?

Deciding when the time is right to make an introduction will turn on many factors, which may include whether or not your divorce is final, the ages of your children, and your children’s state of mind. Every situation differs, and some relationships move more quickly than others. Whatever your situation may be, if you are contemplating an introduction, you should consider the following issues first.

To start, are you divorced yet? If you are separated, and there is no explicit agreement between you and your spouse, it is best to consult with a lawyer before making any introductions. As parents and caregivers, you want to be careful not to rush children into feeling as though they have to accept a new adult into their lives. They may be confused about the role this new person will have, especially if they are still adjusting to a new living situation. Likewise, the introduction of a significant other could lead to emotional trauma if and when there is a breakup down the road, so you want to be as sure as you can be that your relationship is a solid one.

Judges prefer introductions to occur slowly and with a planned timetable. There are obvious questions a new significant other will ask, such as “Who is this person?” and “Will this person be a positive influence on the children’s lives?” Not only will you want to know this but so, too, will your children’s other parent. Not to mention, your kids will probably have questions of their own, some of which may be of an intimate nature and surprise you.

Where a parent is absent (whether by court order or choice), children may be looking for a parental replacement figure. You want to be mindful that anyone who may fill the role (intentionally or not) should be sticking around for a while. As much as possible you want to keep from creating a revolving door of “significant” others passing through your house.

It should be expected, or at least anticipated, that children may feel some resentment toward a parent’s new romantic interest. A mother or father who is making an introduction should stress to their children that this new individual is not replacing their other parent but will, instead, take on a separate role, perhaps after some time passes as a friend.

Of course, one of the most obvious risks of introducing a significant other to children is the effect doing so will have on the other parent, who may become jealous and, as a result, hostile or vindictive toward you. Just as when navigating children’s feelings, it may be necessary to consider your former or soon-to-be former spouse’s even if you do not care what he or she thinks, at a minimum just to preserve the peace.

Moving on with your life is as much a part of the divorce process as any other and a fact of life your children and former spouse must deal with, whether they like it or not. Unfortunately, the husband or wife who moves on first usually has the easier time of it because that person benefits from the love and support of another.

To make the transition as seamless as possible for all those involved – you, your children, your spouse and, let us not forget, the significant other who gets thrown into the crossfire, you may feel as though you are doing a lot of juggling to protect everyone else’s feelings. But no matter what and how much you do, I can assure you that you will not be able to please everyone, and you are entitled to live your life, too. For the time being, put yourself in their shoes, remembering that one day the shoe will most definitely be on the other foot.

Steven W. Hair, focuses his practice as a divorce attorney, family law attorney in Clearwater, Palm Harbor, and Safety Harbor.

For more information, visit our website at www.FamilyLawClearwater.com
or call (727) 726-0797.